My Cheese Sandwich…

This Monday I had to go to the corp office to discuss a project that I am leading … Yes , on a Monday,  you see.

I began the day in rush.. Quickly sent kids to school (imagine how they would feel,  to go to school on a Monday.. I could totally empathize, ONLY for this Monday)

As day progressed to around 10ish ,  I suddenly realized I had just milk and cornflakes some 3 hrs before .. Ouch,  suddenly my tummy started growling !!! I continued booking my cab,  ignoring the weird hunger protest that is raising from within.

I have a maid who is extremely understanding ( If nothing else, she understands my hunger pretty well).  She suddenly showed up with a yummmmmy sandwich!  It’s just out of the world type. A steamy, cheesy, perfectly grilled sandwich!! something that I can take a bullet for :))))

I was about to take the first bite ,  phone rang … It’s the cab driver who almost threatened me, politely.  ” Mam,  nanu wait madithini ivaga gate alli. muru nimishalli hogi bidithini”  .. Precisely,  I am waiting at your gate,  if you don’t come in three minutes,  I will leave.

Do I have a choice to make?  nah … I left the sandwich . Was about to leave and suddenly my understanding maid appears, with a box ..” Akka, pls eat it on the way to your office” .. That right moment, my mind processed a strong request to god … Please keep her happy and healthy!!

I boarded the cab, we started. I gave 2-3 mins to settle in. I somehow do not prefer to eat while on the move, especially when it is not my car. But then,  I opened the box…. The aroma of fresh veggies, dripping cheese, crunchy grill, I was at the verge of drooling, literally : )

I was about to take the first bite, I suddenly realized the cab is not moving anymore.  I looked up in inquiry. Driver said ” Mam I have an emergency at home so need to go back.  I informed in the office, they are sending another cab,  so mam I will drop you back home”.

I was never sad to let go of anything so bad that I felt in that moment when I was keeping the sandwich down. While I was standing outside my gate and waiting for another cab that the office arranged,  I was thinking .. Why does this happen to me ? why things slip out of my hand at the right moment when I am getting real attachment to them …

As if to answer my questions, my phone rings again .. it’s a call from the cab’s office saying another cab is on the way ,  it may take another 20 mins.

I found no point in waiting so went upstairs into my flat.  sunk into the sofa , switched on TV.. There was my mosst fav ” agar tum saath ho” from Tamasha.  I slowly opened my box.  There it is !!!! The cheesy,  still warm,  veggie sandwich !!!  I finally started eating … Enjoying each bite of the sandwich and each bit of that moment. Shreya Ghoshal’s honey quoted voice singing ” bin bole baathein tum se karun,  agar tum sath ho” , the cheese slowly melting,  what a moment !!

When I finished eating my cheese sandwich I understood one thing… There is a course of time that we all have to go through.  Finally we all get what we truly deserve but little timing issue will always exist.  In past, I sat and brood over many things I lost.. I cried over few people whom I had to let go of,  though I loved them crazily.  But it is momentary… Later I realized,  it’s all for good. Not necessary that you always know why certain things happen, there comes a point in life when you appreciate why they happened.

 

When few things happen,  they are absolutely worth waiting 🙂

Happy reading ,  cheeeee(r)se  🙂

 

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One’s happiness is so much dependent on them. I always felt pity about those who keep blaming others for their unhappy self.  Firstly, the concept of a person being happy about others DOES NOT exist. you are happy because of your mindsets and the way you perceive things. So it’s all about YOU / I .. Never WE there. It’s all about the choice we make between wanting to be happy or wanting to be a victim.

 

I know I confuse sometimes. But I also know I explain well.. So, let me explain this. There is a wedding where more than 500 people are attending. Suddenly the groom  says NO to the bride. The wedding is called off. Do you seriously think EVERYONE is sad because a wedding broke and whatever the girl’s family spent had gone waste ? Nah … More than 25% of the people in wedding would have felt happy .. Let’s see ..

 

The wedding decorator, caterer, designer etc are happy because they are getting paid for the full service, where they had provided less than 50% of the service. Then it’s the turn of people who came to the wedding. Few might have hated the groom sometime or the bride, they feel happy the wedding broke. These people who are happy are extremely contagious.. They go and spread the viral as to why they are happy. They could be happy for the groom because they hate the girl, few could be happy because they didn’t like the boy and they think girl is extremely lucky to get rid of the boy before it’s too late.

 

But all these people had an option to sit and cry for the girl , because no matter how and why it happened, breaking a wedding is bad. ( it sounds sooo like the math table 2. You do whatever, 2*2 has to be 4 only. )

 

Now look at the girl’s family. though they are in a big trouble momentarily, they too have an option to make ! They have an option to sit and cry for the boy who has been irresponsible or thank god and be happy for letting them know that the boy IS Irresponsible. Probably if they had known about boy’s nature before, they had called of the wedding much before itself. Then, why it becomes tragedy when boy calls it off ?

 

It’s not about this wedding alone… It’s about any incident that we portray as tragedy, indeed has some other meaning. It’s our perception, that makes us see the dark side of any ONE incident. There is always something good that is hidden in EVERY incident of our life. It’s our choice to see the hidden side of it or see the momentary impact ( latter is easy though).

 

Your life may not be completely in your hands. But how to read your life and design your future is very much dependent on your perception. The more strong your design is, the more support you get from the almighty and the nature  : ) Of course, Experience speaking this side.

 

The Endurance…

Recently I read ” A thousand Splendid Suns” during a leisure vacation. It’s an international acclaimed novel that described the disturbed lives in Kabul during the attacks of Taliban. This is a very well written piece that brings life of people in Kabul in a way that is very close to actual. But the common thing that I found in this book which disappointed me in a way is, the ability of women. As Mariam explained by her mother in the book that woman=endurance. I had, I have and I will continue to have reservations with this point.

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Why we always tag woman only to the words responsibility, patience and Endurance?  Of course, I appreciate the way author explained how much Laila and Mariam SUSTAINED in the novel but the missing factor is how beautifully Tarique ( A man with only one leg, in the story) faced the hardship in life and still could retain his goodness.  If there was more focus on Tarique’s hardship, then the possibility is that the guy would have more sympathy against the women in the book … But at least there would have been an attempt to change the HISTORICAL PERCEPTION !!!

When I look around the current scenario ( Everywhere) looks like we all are in need of Endurance. I consider it as an ability to sustain the regular obstacles of life .. If yes, it’s a common need of a man as well as a woman. If we women need to develop endurance towards the circumstances, stubborn children, teasing ugly men around, not so supporting domestic conditions then men have to endure the stress at work, traffic, increasing risk for life in today’s social circumstances .. The fact is, NO ONE is safe.

Why men need to realize this … Well, as long as men do not realize the need of increased patience and responsibility, no one can stop the shattering homes .. Be it because of divorce, domestic violence, abandoned children, or suicides. As long as they do not accept that it needs their effort to develop the ability to sustain, they always believe and blame women for their inability to sustain. We need to inculcate the thought that problems are way shorter and smaller than the giant sized life … Yes, life is big !!!

Recently I have come across a cousin .. She must be aged less than 28 and her husband committed suicide last week ( He must be around 30 yr old.) Yes, there were financial problems, there were issues of stressed relations, complaints from parents etc… But on the other hand there is this cute child in their lives who is less than 3 yrs., there are two jobs occupied by this family which said that food and clothing is assured, there is a newly bought house which assured a decent shelter. Then why this guy had taken such hasty step ? I say, it’s lack of endurance. Lack of responsibility. Limits to OUR patience are always set by us .. Especially when it is about OUR life .. We all have to have endurance. The ability to live longer, no matter what happens around.

It’s a mere coincidence that exactly when I was thinking of how well the author could have injected the need of Endurance into men, I came across this cousin’s incident. but altogether .. It was an unpleasant experience which made me do a lot of brainstorm  …

Wish at least 2014 would bring the needed change.

A parent and a working woman .. Who wins?

Parent and a working woman
Parenting… is much more than just LEADING.

Today has been one of those few days of complete struggle between a parent and working woman. Not with outside world but with me, myself. It’s obvious that, we can not be indifferent to all the situations and people in life. but the going gets tough when you, as ONE SELF, have too many voices raising from within suggesting different reactions to ONE situation.

I usually get my kid ready to school on time .. by the time his van comes he is ready. I have multiple reasons for this forced discipline.  Most important one is that his school is far off and if I have to drop him, it will be hectic. This is what I think as a person who is contributing and responsible for the financial balance in the family.  But as a mother, there is always another voice screaming from within ” That’s ok if he misses his school van, let him take 5 more mins and eat his breakfast at least!! ”

Today… The mother in me won .. I told my kid that I will drop him, and let him eat leisurely.  why not .. it’s his favorite breakfast today.  When I was dropping him to school ,  I saw that the school gates are slowly closing and watchman is locking it. We ran to the entrance ….

I have two choices now .. one, I beg the watchman and send my kid inside the school or quietly walk back to home along with my child.

The independent, working woman in me started rising slowly .. telling me ” you being a leader at your work place, will you a beg a WATCHMAN ?!!.. huh.. shame…”

But then the mother in me couldn’t let it happen .. This is the best opportunity for a mother to demonstrate the thumb rule of life to the child, that EGO can never come in the way of learning. How could she let it go ?

Finally, Mother won again !! I requested, begged watchman and got the gates opened for my child. Told him, no matter it’s gonna work or not, ATTEMPT always matters. I am sure , tomorrow he will not hesitate to request anyone for a right thing.

The Ability …

Very often I felt very un-realistic, when someone is saying to others ” OMG, how could you bear all that, if I were you I would have given up long before”!! Is it true? Is there any ONE soul on this earth who had to give up on living, just because it could not sustain the circumstances ? NO.

Let’s dig more .. I have a friend who lost her parents and got educated with loads of difficulties. Then got settled in a good job. Married to a good guy and life was pretty much enjoyable. But suddenly this good guy left her for a reason that’s silly to break a happy family, disturbing TWO children.  The Mother SUSTAINED! She agreed to this challenge and decided to move ahead in life with no compromise on self esteem. She could conquer this phase just because god gave her the ability first and then circumstances.

We all have problems in life .. There is nothing big, nothing small. It all depends on our ABILITY. My friend was trained for this phase from the beginning. Be it the phase where she was parent-less, be it the phase where she really had to struggle to complete her education, be it the phase where she was betrayed by OWN family but it all made her as a package. This package is now able to handle the challenges as they come.

So there is nothing called ” If I were you”. Nopes. We can never be someone else.

We are what we are, for a reason. The challenges we go through, the beautiful moments we come across, everything comes to us as a package. If god gives you the same challenge as others, trust me, he gives the same ability as others.

Someone asked me ” After so much happened, why do you still trust in god”. I smiled at them and said, ” After so much happened, I am still alive and so I trust god exists”.

Be thankful to the creator for each day, each hr and each minute because you are a special child of almighty and this each minute is exclusively designed for you !!!

Manners Vs goodness… what do you choose?

CaptureThis is one question that always triggered me when I see people trying extremely hard to impress others. Why? Why do we act?  Why do we constantly try to impress others? Why we project a complete different person as our self, in front of others… Is that correct? Should we or Should not  be a different person to others?

Luckily, I did not have to suffer too long in quest for answers. The power of almighty had given me endless opportunities to realize answers for all these questions. We all have this in built thought process that always confuses us between being well mannered and being a false person. Confusing? Let me explain.

I was in a rush to reach into my office so was walking in hurry. I ran into a person who was walking in front of me and dead slow. I said sorry to this person, haven’t even waited for his say and moved on. Then while taking the stair case, there was this huge person who was behind me, waiting for me to walk fast so that she can bypass. The moment I realised that I am blocking her way, I immediately said “Oh, I am so sorry” and I let her go.  The fact is that I am not at fault in these two instances.

By evening I reached home. When I entered my house, my elder son was standing right at the entrance. So close, that I ended up stamping his feet. I screamed at him asking why he was standing there and just walked in. I was angry, furious that I could have fallen down. Almost 2 hrs post this, I recollected that I stamped my kid’s feet. PRACTICALLY I did hurt him. But the fact that made me feel guilty was, I actually ignored him after stamping his feet and that, must have hurt him MORE.

What is the difference here… If it is only about good manners, then you should be good everywhere!! I have been extremely polite in office because I have been a false person. If it was my good manners then I should have paid the same attention at home as well!

Key here is that, I don’t need to impress anyone! Neither my colleagues in office, nor my kids at home need to know how well-mannered I am. The only thing they need to understand from me is to feel hurt when I hurt someone. This is not so that I will be respected, but so that they too may start practising it.

The key principle of life should be ” We are what we are. For the fear of god, but not for the fear of society”.

Cheers folks !!!

Designer babies… What’s your take on this?

handsWhen I initially got to know about the designer babies concept, it took awhile for me to digest the whole thing that we will have more than 2 parents for children going forward! As a mother of 2 kids who came to me through a tedious, lengthy surgery I could somehow not sync in with this fact. I can’t miss to mention about the whole natural process that went for a beautiful period of 9 months. We are technically developing, but aren’t we going in an incorrect direction with extreme speed? It all began with cloning animals and plants, then we progressed to design our bodies in desired shapes, sizes and now we take another dangerous step of designing/creating the mankind? With the news that UK folks are going to make this process as legal soon, let’s take a look at pros and potential risks of this process.

What is the concept of Designer Babies?

This is a process where babies are created using the DNA of three people using the IVF technique. This is to avoid potentially deadly and debilitating mitochondrial diseases that can be passed from a mother to the baby. This may eventually cause muscle weakness, lack of basic energy, failure of heart functioning, and in few severe consequences death. These mitochondrial diseases are impacting one in every 6,500 new born babies.  (Mitochondria are defined as the energy sources that are passed from a mother to a baby)

So as a process, this whole concept of designing a baby goes something like this:

1) An Embryo is created from the parent and the donor.

2) The pronuclei containing the genetic information are taken out from donor and the parent.

3) After creating the healthy embryo, the same is implanted in the womb. This creation happens by addition of parent’s pronuclei and donor embryo.

How does it matter to the existing balance in mankind?

Eugenics: It’s a practice to improvise the genetic composition in population. How we are going to do that?  Through a scary process that involves increasing the number of births of babies with most wanted traits and downsizing the size of the babies with not so desired traits. This could be shocking for a layman to know and understand but THIS IS in practice. As per estimation a scary number of 90% pregnancies carrying babies with Down syndrome are BEING ABORTED. I personally feel ashamed not of the technical development that shows clearly about the baby in the womb, but of the human nature that is not letting these babies born just because they are not perfect?

While this entire process is going to help ONE Baby in 6,500, and 10 couples in UK, there are potential threats to the balanced natural process of conceiving a baby. While the news is that UK government is soon going to make this designer baby concept legal, there are already many doctors and medical researchers who are raising eyebrows against it.

“These techniques are unnecessary and unsafe and were in fact rejected by the majority of consultation responses” Dr David King, Director -Human Genetics Alert.

However, as long as this is used as a MEDICAL need but not a COSMETIC need, this can definitely give a second life for mothers like Sharon Bernardi, who lost SEVEN children because of defective mitochondria. The question here is about the bioethics! I mean, today if we can break this rule of one child and two parents for a healthy next generation, why can’t we do it for more gorgeous next generation. It would not surprise me tomorrow if parents come forward with a request saying “I want my baby with blue eyes, black hair and fair complexion. My neighbor has all of them, but I don’t. So, let her be the donor and third parent”!! We have already seen how a Bariatric surgery is being mis-used as a weight reduction weapon! Bariatric surgery is clearly meant to reduce the obese of people who have medical implications. But we recently read that a 11 yr old girl in India (Sanchita) is undergoing this surgery just because she is obese (she has become obese WITHOUT any other medical implications).

This is what I feel as a person who truly respects the nature that is created by one almighty. Anyone can differ with me, for infinite number of reasons. You can express, but be an adult. Unprofessional comments will strictly be disregarded. Thank you, for your time.