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One’s happiness is so much dependent on them. I always felt pity about those who keep blaming others for their unhappy self.  Firstly, the concept of a person being happy about others DOES NOT exist. you are happy because of your mindsets and the way you perceive things. So it’s all about YOU / I .. Never WE there. It’s all about the choice we make between wanting to be happy or wanting to be a victim.

 

I know I confuse sometimes. But I also know I explain well.. So, let me explain this. There is a wedding where more than 500 people are attending. Suddenly the groom  says NO to the bride. The wedding is called off. Do you seriously think EVERYONE is sad because a wedding broke and whatever the girl’s family spent had gone waste ? Nah … More than 25% of the people in wedding would have felt happy .. Let’s see ..

 

The wedding decorator, caterer, designer etc are happy because they are getting paid for the full service, where they had provided less than 50% of the service. Then it’s the turn of people who came to the wedding. Few might have hated the groom sometime or the bride, they feel happy the wedding broke. These people who are happy are extremely contagious.. They go and spread the viral as to why they are happy. They could be happy for the groom because they hate the girl, few could be happy because they didn’t like the boy and they think girl is extremely lucky to get rid of the boy before it’s too late.

 

But all these people had an option to sit and cry for the girl , because no matter how and why it happened, breaking a wedding is bad. ( it sounds sooo like the math table 2. You do whatever, 2*2 has to be 4 only. )

 

Now look at the girl’s family. though they are in a big trouble momentarily, they too have an option to make ! They have an option to sit and cry for the boy who has been irresponsible or thank god and be happy for letting them know that the boy IS Irresponsible. Probably if they had known about boy’s nature before, they had called of the wedding much before itself. Then, why it becomes tragedy when boy calls it off ?

 

It’s not about this wedding alone… It’s about any incident that we portray as tragedy, indeed has some other meaning. It’s our perception, that makes us see the dark side of any ONE incident. There is always something good that is hidden in EVERY incident of our life. It’s our choice to see the hidden side of it or see the momentary impact ( latter is easy though).

 

Your life may not be completely in your hands. But how to read your life and design your future is very much dependent on your perception. The more strong your design is, the more support you get from the almighty and the nature  : ) Of course, Experience speaking this side.

 

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The Endurance…

Recently I read ” A thousand Splendid Suns” during a leisure vacation. It’s an international acclaimed novel that described the disturbed lives in Kabul during the attacks of Taliban. This is a very well written piece that brings life of people in Kabul in a way that is very close to actual. But the common thing that I found in this book which disappointed me in a way is, the ability of women. As Mariam explained by her mother in the book that woman=endurance. I had, I have and I will continue to have reservations with this point.

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Why we always tag woman only to the words responsibility, patience and Endurance?  Of course, I appreciate the way author explained how much Laila and Mariam SUSTAINED in the novel but the missing factor is how beautifully Tarique ( A man with only one leg, in the story) faced the hardship in life and still could retain his goodness.  If there was more focus on Tarique’s hardship, then the possibility is that the guy would have more sympathy against the women in the book … But at least there would have been an attempt to change the HISTORICAL PERCEPTION !!!

When I look around the current scenario ( Everywhere) looks like we all are in need of Endurance. I consider it as an ability to sustain the regular obstacles of life .. If yes, it’s a common need of a man as well as a woman. If we women need to develop endurance towards the circumstances, stubborn children, teasing ugly men around, not so supporting domestic conditions then men have to endure the stress at work, traffic, increasing risk for life in today’s social circumstances .. The fact is, NO ONE is safe.

Why men need to realize this … Well, as long as men do not realize the need of increased patience and responsibility, no one can stop the shattering homes .. Be it because of divorce, domestic violence, abandoned children, or suicides. As long as they do not accept that it needs their effort to develop the ability to sustain, they always believe and blame women for their inability to sustain. We need to inculcate the thought that problems are way shorter and smaller than the giant sized life … Yes, life is big !!!

Recently I have come across a cousin .. She must be aged less than 28 and her husband committed suicide last week ( He must be around 30 yr old.) Yes, there were financial problems, there were issues of stressed relations, complaints from parents etc… But on the other hand there is this cute child in their lives who is less than 3 yrs., there are two jobs occupied by this family which said that food and clothing is assured, there is a newly bought house which assured a decent shelter. Then why this guy had taken such hasty step ? I say, it’s lack of endurance. Lack of responsibility. Limits to OUR patience are always set by us .. Especially when it is about OUR life .. We all have to have endurance. The ability to live longer, no matter what happens around.

It’s a mere coincidence that exactly when I was thinking of how well the author could have injected the need of Endurance into men, I came across this cousin’s incident. but altogether .. It was an unpleasant experience which made me do a lot of brainstorm  …

Wish at least 2014 would bring the needed change.

The Ability …

Very often I felt very un-realistic, when someone is saying to others ” OMG, how could you bear all that, if I were you I would have given up long before”!! Is it true? Is there any ONE soul on this earth who had to give up on living, just because it could not sustain the circumstances ? NO.

Let’s dig more .. I have a friend who lost her parents and got educated with loads of difficulties. Then got settled in a good job. Married to a good guy and life was pretty much enjoyable. But suddenly this good guy left her for a reason that’s silly to break a happy family, disturbing TWO children.  The Mother SUSTAINED! She agreed to this challenge and decided to move ahead in life with no compromise on self esteem. She could conquer this phase just because god gave her the ability first and then circumstances.

We all have problems in life .. There is nothing big, nothing small. It all depends on our ABILITY. My friend was trained for this phase from the beginning. Be it the phase where she was parent-less, be it the phase where she really had to struggle to complete her education, be it the phase where she was betrayed by OWN family but it all made her as a package. This package is now able to handle the challenges as they come.

So there is nothing called ” If I were you”. Nopes. We can never be someone else.

We are what we are, for a reason. The challenges we go through, the beautiful moments we come across, everything comes to us as a package. If god gives you the same challenge as others, trust me, he gives the same ability as others.

Someone asked me ” After so much happened, why do you still trust in god”. I smiled at them and said, ” After so much happened, I am still alive and so I trust god exists”.

Be thankful to the creator for each day, each hr and each minute because you are a special child of almighty and this each minute is exclusively designed for you !!!

imagesHow do you rate yourself when it is about being bold and fearing to as less things as possible ? if your are close to 1 ( 1 being the best), trust me you are one the luckiest lot on the earth. There are many many fear factors which are causing the phobias and panic disorders that are categorized as a part of mental disorders. These are categorized under  anxiety disorders which can turn dangerous if not addressed in the right moment !

Fear is not phobia .. There is a thin line. We all fear many things in life. However, if fear of any particular thing is taking over your ability to lead normal life and disturbs the day-to-day routine, that is called phobia. To clearly differentiate, if you are in a forest and if you are scared thinking that a snake may come, that’s fear. But if you live in an apartment in a town and still always keep troubling yourself that a snake may come from some corner suddenly, that’s a phobia.  If you are phobic to something then don’t worry .. Just chill, because today being phobic has become so common that every 1 Canadian  out of 10 is phobic to one or the other thing. 5-12% of Americans have phobia disorders. And to make you feel more easier, I will tell you the number of people .. It makes a solid 6.3 million Adult Americans!!! What do you do when you know you have a particular phobia ?

The most recommended and simplified method of fighting a Phobia is to communicate more about it. the more you talk about it , the less you fear about it. Form communities of people with same disorder and keep talking about it. People who are already suffering may come up with the best practices. We are all human, with our own imperfections. But what makes us real human, different from all other is the way we struggle and come out of that imperfection.

But what if you are not able to come out of it ? remember, the most strategic efforts can go futile at times. It’s not the effort that failed but probably the strategy or that ONE idea that had failed. So, keep up with your effort part. Probably a better idea this time ?